Monkey See. Monkey Do.
In my never-ending quest to balance my social and essential selves, it helps me to think of my social self as a band of monkeys perched on my shoulder overseeing my every move. They vacillate between lazily chomping on bananas and grooming each other when life is calm. But when they sense danger brought on by my essential self's wilder side, their shrieks are thunderous.
Similar to the mind monkeys many Buddhists quiet during meditation, my monkeys dole out thoughts that create suffering like penny candy. Why? Remember my social self's job is to keep me safe and acceptable to society. But my social self and her monkeys can take their job too seriously.
Questioning My Monkey Mind
I didn't know to question the truth of the tales my social self spun until I discovered The Work of Byron Katie during my life coach training with Martha Beck Institute. I was delighted to learn I didn't need to believe EVERY thought that crossed my mind. And if a thought created any kind of suffering -- angst, anger, stomach churning, rising heat, hyperventilation -- that was my clue to question it.
Why? Because the thought was likely untrue. It was fabricated by my social self to keep me safe.
Questioning my thoughts was quite a revolutionary idea to me.
And how did I know that Byron Katie was on to something? Her idea made me feel a bit giddy. Lighter. Relieved. And according to my teacher, Martha Beck,
"When a thought feels like freedom, it's true."
I've spent a lot of the last eight months honing my inquiry skills. It has become a daily practice -- one I can now do pretty quickly in my head, but usually do as part of my daily - morning pages - writing. Although I still find Byron Katie's "Judge Your Neighbor" worksheet to be helpful when I'm really suffering with a thought.
The Work has become a key element of my coaching practice. It's something I teach my clients to do themselves. I love how this tool shines a new light on what feels like a rock solid belief even though it's not serving my client well. I have yet to see a thought that creates suffering stand up long under inquiry. There is always a truer thought that arises once we question it. Relief is usually right there in the midst of the turnarounds. And the freedom of truth isn't far behind.
Want to learn more about "The Work" and how to catch a thought before it creates suffering? Drop me a line at info@InsideEdgeCoach.com.